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freezers_wirWelcome to the Week in Review, where we’re still alive for the playoffs.
[Thursday Night] Dallas Cowboys @ New Orleans Saints
Huh... It really was that simple. Get Amari Cooper and CeeDee Lamb back on the field and the Dallas offense clicks again. Mostly. More on that in a bit.
This was a get-right game for the ‘Boys, with the offense and defense showing up at the same time for at least the first time since the Atlanta game. How much of that was Dallas getting their shit together and how much of that was Taysom Hill proving his haters right, who can say?
The Swiss Army Knife had his first start under center and things did not go well: 19/41 for 264 yards, 2 TDs, 4 INTs. He seemed to get worse as the game went along, probably not helped by a finger injury in the first half. Definitely not helped by the Saint’s ongoing lack of a running game. Hill was the leading rusher (11-101) and it wasn’t even close (Mark Ingram had 28 on ten carries). Health allowing, he’ll probably get the start vs. the J-E-T-S (Make! It! Stop!). And that’s probably what the doctor ordered to stop their now-five game skid.
And speaking of dubious running games: STOP SENDING ZEKE UP THE MIDDLE TO GET KILLED!!! In fact, sit Zeke for a couple of games, let him heal up for the crunch and let Tony Pollard prove he can handle the load when called on.
Cowboys 27, Saints 17
Tampa Bay Buccaneers @ Atlanta Falcons
Cordarelle Patterson’s 39yd pitch-and-run was the longest play given up by the Bucs defense this season. It set up a 15-yard Mike David on Atlanta’s first drive. And that was as good as it got for the Dirty Birds.
The Falcons were game, but overmatched. The Bucs made things harder on the Falcons, going to the air, rather than their usual ground-based attack. Dreamboat went 38 of 51 for 368 yards., 4TDs and 1 INT. Chris Godwin pulled in a career and franchise best 15 catches for 143 yards.
Tampa is currently tied with Green Bay for the #2 seed in the NFC, one game behind #1 Arizona. Atlanta is 5-7, tied for second with Carolina in the NFC South.
Bucs 30, Falcons 17
Arizona Cardinals @ Chicago Bears
Much like Dallas, getting their people back and healthy - in this case Kyler Murray and Nuk Hopkins - made all the difference. Murray threw two TDs and ran for two more.
Well that and playing the Bears. Who suck. Now they gave real effort and didn’t get run off the field, as could’ve easily happened (and has happened before). But they also had Andy Murray, who threw a career high-tying 4 INTs and played for most of the game with a hand injury. The Bears stood no chance. But then, we knew that, didn’t we?
If Matt Nagy is still the coach come March, the league needs to step in.
Cardinals 33, Bears 22
Los Angeles Chargers @ Cincinnati Bengals
My main takeaway from this game was the announce team spending so much time talking about Joe Burrow’s hand injury (which was swollen and gnarly, to be fair) it’s like they were trying to explain away the Bengals getting swept aside at home.
And I can’t say they’re wrong.
The Bungles turned a 22-0 second quarter deficit into a 22-all t 4th quarter tie. Then stopped, allowing LA to retake control of the game, scoring the final 17 points.
Remember when we thought Cincy was a dark horse Super Bowl contender? Good times... Good times...
Chargers 41, Bengals 22
Minnesota Vikings @ Detroit Lions
This was the last four minutes (game time) of the game. (Courtesy NFL)
If this doesn’t get Mike Zimmer fired, nothing will.
Lions 29, Vikings 27
...This wasn’t a very good week for football, was it?
Indianapolis Colts @ Houston Texans
Tyrod Taylor got hurt (again), but was cleared by the medical staff in the third quarter. They decided to sacrifice play Davis Mills anyway. Some have tried to suggest that they should give the rest of the season over to Davis, since he’s more likely to be on the Texans’ roster next year than Taylor.
Tall Glass of STFU to everyone who even thought that.
Say what you will about Tyrod Taylor, but he’s proven himself NFL-caliber. Davis Mills has... not. Taylor is clearly the guy you go with, if you want to win. Davis is the guy you go with if you’re tanking or you truly believe in the kid want to give him one more shot to show something (even if it’s with the dregs that are the Texans offence).
And I just talked myself into Davis Mills. [gulps down TGoSTFU]
Colts 31, Texans 0
New York Giants @ Miami Dolphins
The Giants stink. The Dolphins show signs of life. Neither QB is consistent or consistently healthy enough to be the long-term answer. Next.
Dolphins 20, Giants 9
Philadelphia Eagles @ New York Jets
El Mustachio Magnifico is back!
Gardner Minshew threw for 242 and two TDs, starting in place of the injured Good Value Mike Vick and outdueling Great White Hope #12 (226/2/1). Miles Sanders added 120 yards on 24 carries.
The Eagles scored on their first seven drives and looked like a totally different squad with Minshew under center. Now, the smart thing to do would be to convert Hurts to WR and stay with Minshew. If for no other reason than their passing game looks like a passing game with Minshew. But I’m willing to bet the Eagles, shrew operators that they are, will go full sunk cost on Hurts (a second-round pick, don’t forget) and start him as soon as the docs clear him.
That “Philly Special” season seems more and more like a fluke every day.
Eagles 33, Jets 18
Washington Football Team @ Las Vegas Raiders
Once again, Taylor Heinicke led a comeback and helped pull of a last-second win.
Once again, Taylor Heinicke was the reason there needed to be a comeback
Once again, the Raiders let a game they had in their grasp slip away.
This was the second of five one-score games on the week. Spoilers: This was as good as it got.
WTF 17, Raiders 15
Jacksonville Jaguars @ Los Angeles Rams
Jacksonville: Good for what ails you!
Rams 37, Jaguars 7
Baltimore Ravens @ Pittsburgh Steelers
Much like Washington/Baltimore above, this game came down to the last second. Unlike that game, this one came down to a last-second 2-pt conversion attempt. One that came down to Harbaugh The Younger deciding to roll the dice, rather than go to overtime.
A gamble that did not pay off at all.
A gamble you had to slog through a quagmire of a game to even get to.
Harbaugh later said that he went for the win because they were “out of cornerbacks,” referring to the loss of All-Pro Marlon Humphrey. To which I respond: You can’t A) trust your offense to perform one more time in OT B) trust your remaining DBs to stop THAT Steeler offense at least one more time? There’s a time to gamble and there’s a time to play the odds, sir.
Steelers 20, Ravens 19
San Francisco 49ers @ Seattle Seahawks
With this loss, the Niners are 6-6; two games behind the Rams for second in the NFC West (four behind #1 seed Arizona), with five to go. Only one of them is in-division (Week 18 (!) @The Rams)
At this point, the smart money would be to pull the ripcord on 2021 and let Trey Lance get some experience.
But, NOOOOO! With the expanded playoff format meaning even a team looking at eight losses (minimum) has a chance at the playoffs. And they all say “You get in, you never know what can happen.”
What’s gonna happen is you guys getting stomped out by Green Bay or Tampa. And you know this. #LetTreyCook
Seahawks 30, Niners 23
[Sunday Night] Denver Broncos @ Kansas City Chiefs
Much like the Niners, the Broncos are at a crossroads: Teddy Bridgewater simply isn’t good enough to elevate this team. But he’s also good enough so this team won’t go under. A coach with more secure standing would put in Drew Lock for the remainder, giving him one more chance to turn heads and produce some offensive spark or at least build some trade equity.
But since Vic Fangio is in pure Save My Job mode, the safe, but mediocre option is the one we’re going with.
On the plus side, perhaps Teddy Ballgame becomes the black Steve Deberg to pair with Tyrod Taylor’s black Brian Hoyer? Two professionally mediocre career backup QBs? Now that’s equality!
Chiefs 22, Broncos 9
[Monday Night] New England @ Buffalo Bills
This was touted as the Game of the Week. A grudge match that could decide not just the AFC East, but the AFC playoff picture.
Then the sub-freezing temps and 40mph wind gusts came in and said “LOL NO.”
Darth Hoodie took one look at the weather and said ‘Fuck It. Three Yards and a Cloud of Ice’ it is!” His hotshot rookie QB threw the ball three whole times. Not in a quarter. Not in a half. IN THE GAME. (2 of 3 for 19 yards). The Pats leaned on their perpetually no-name running game and their league-best defense (led by DPOY candidate Matt Judon) to get the win.
Sean McDermott took one look at the weather and said “Fuck it, YOLO!” and tried to run their usual “Let Josh Allen Do Everything” offense. An offense that had two straight Red Zone possessions in the fourth quarter and scored as many point as I did from them.
Guess who won?
You’re still the little bros, Buffalo.
Patriots 14, Bills 10
